Messages : the communication skills book
/ Matthew McKay, Martha Davis, Patrick Fanning.
- 3rd ed.
- Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, 2009
- vi, 358 p. : ill. ; 23 cm.
PART I Basic Skills 1 Listening....................................5 Real Vs. Pseudo Listening a Blocks to Listening * Assessing Your Listening Blocks U Four Steps to Effective Listening a Total Listening * Listening for Couples 2 Self-Disclosure .............................. 24 Rewards of Self-Disclosure a Blocks to Self- Disclosure U Optimal Levels of Self-Disclosure U Assessing Your Self-Disclosure I Practice in Self-Disclosure 3 Expressing .................................35 The Four Kinds of Expression a Whole Messages a Contaminated Messages a Preparing Your Message B Practicing Whole Messages U Rules for Effective Expression PART II Advanced Skills 4 Body Language ............................59 Body Movements U Spatial Relationships 5 Paralanguage and Metamessages ...............70 "The Elements of Paralanguage a Changing Your Paralanguage I Metamessages * Coping with Metamessages 6 Hidden Agendas. ............................80 The Eight Agendas * Purpose of the Agendas 7 Transactional Analysis ........................89 Parent, Child, and Adult Messages * Analyzing Your Communications N Kinds of Transactions U Keeping Your Communications Clean 8 Clarifying Language ........................104 Understanding a Model a Challenging the Limits of a Model U Challenging Distortions in a Model I Some Final Clarifications PART III Conflict Skills 9 Assertiveness Training ......................125 Your Legitimate Rights a Three Communication Styles * Identifying Communication Styles U Your Assertiveness Goals I Assertive Expression U Assertive Listening i Combining Assertive Expression and Listening i Responding to Criticism u Special Assertive Strategies I Assertiveness Skills Practice 10 Fair Fighting ............................. 150 Unfair Fighting * Identifying Unfair Fighting Styles a Fair Fighting a Fair Fight Rules * Your Script for Change 11 Validation Strategies ....................... 161 What Is Validation? a Why Does Validation Work? a What Validation Is Not a Components of Validation a Successful Validating Strategies a The Power of Validation 12 Negotiation............... ..............173 Four Stages of Negotiation * Dealing with Conflict & Rules of Principled Negotiation a When the Going Gets Tough PART IV Social Skills 13 Prejudgment..............................191 Prejudgment Traps a Stereotypes * Approval and Disapproval in Prejudgment U Parataxic Distortions a Perpetuating Illusions U Clarifying First Impressions 14 Making Contact ...........................205 Fear of Strangers U Guidelines for Making Contact * The Art of Conversation U Putting It All Together PART V Family Skills 15 Couples Skills ................. ...........223 What Makes a Good Relationship? t Schemas a Couples Systems U Keeping Your Relationship Strong 16 Communicating with Children............... 246 Listening U Expressing I Joint Problem Solving a When to Let Go 0 When You Have to Say No a The Point Is... 17 Family Communications .....................265 Family Communication Disorders a Family Pathology * Family Systems S How to Keep Family Communications Healthy PART VI Public Skills 18 Influencing Others ........................285 Ineffective Strategies for Influencing Change a Effective Strategies for Influencing Others I Your Plan for Influencing Change U Lisa's Plan for Influencing Change 19 Public Speaking ..........................295 Defining Your Purpose * Outlining the Subject * Presentation W Organization U Audience Analysis a Style i Supporting Materials I The Outline i Delivery I Dealing with Stage Fright 20 Interviewing .............................. 312 Clarifying What You Want I If You Are the Interviewer S If You Are the Interviewee 0 Conclusion